Wow!

I realized just now how negative I've been for the past week or so...not good. I think this stress is severely getting to me. Ok, breathe in, and breathe out. I'm going to go write my 6 page paper for tomorrow morning.

Oh yeah, and think positive thoughts. Gotta remember that.

Parallel Universes

My older brother is of the belief that women whine and complain about men just because they like to complain. I was having a discussion with my mother about people's titles, and we came to the decision that calling any female adult stranger Mrs. is somewhat insulting. As the name after Mrs. if traditionally and quite often the husband's name, not the woman's name, assuming any adult female to be a Mrs. is to assume that they are somehow tied to a man. Whether in love or not, marriage bonds a woman to a man, making her no longer really independent, as usually it means her finances, house, and general life is shared. Having someone to share your life with is great, of course, but then why is there not a word for a man who has been tied to a woman? Because in our conceptions, he hasn't really been tied. We use phrases like "she's a catch" or "hold on tight to that one" which seem a little passive in terms of the woman's part in the relationship, don't ya think? Marriage itself is also still somewhat religious, and not everyone practices it. So, my mom and I both agreed that we'd be offended to be called Mrs. as a generic term (my mom's divorced and single).

So, my older brother, hearing this entire discussion, calmly chuckles and says "you girls are just being silly. It so doesn't matter whether it's Mrs. or Ms. or Miss, you're just reading too far into what people say." ...............seriously? like, seriously? silly? So our opinions about this subject, which affects us, not him, is silly? Isn't that itself rather demeaning? How about diminutive? I was shocked, and really quite sad, when he said that. I wish he could live in our world and let himself see reality from someone else's perspective. Just once would do it, I think. Just once.

Cars and Trains and Planes are no match for My Un-Mindfulness

I am at home right now, wishing my sewing machine was working so I can finish my homework for tomorrow. I got some done before it mysteriously stopped sewing despite both threads being threaded how I think is right. I was able to get this work done, though, because I could not make it to class this morning.
Last night I went shopping with my mother and younger brother, and, for no reason at all and very unlike me, took my car keys with me. Well, when we got back home there was a quite violent lightning storm with ridiculous rain going on, so we all rushed like hell to get the food into the house. In the confusion, I left my keys in my mother's car, and as she left 7:00 this morning and won't be home until 8:00 tonight, I was left with no means to get to class. Thankfully my older brother can get me to my later class, and my father can me from there to my babysitting job an hour away from school...I may still be out of luck on a ride home, though...ahhhhhhhhh.

All this has not exactly motivated me to get my work done. I really wish I could just blow off the rest of my day, say fuck it, and go read my book and go back to bed. Ah, thank goodness for fantastic day dreams...

Some updates in a Busy Bee's week...

update: this friday I visited the used bookstore again, and actually found someone working there. welllll, they weren't prepared for anyone to ask about working there, so they didnt have an application, but the girl I talked to was in fact looking for a replacement, and took my info. so, I think that was good...
I'm also looking at tutoring for SAT prep companies. I realized I could be making twice what I am, and doing something without such harsh restrictions, like how I stand, and whether my nails are painted or not. I have to start making enough to get my own place, if I can. Seriousy ready for that!

Unfortunately, my Camelot obsession has not as yet weaned. Not remotely.

Spring's Color

I love the rain today. Even though I am unfortunately without a car today, while it's getting new brakes and transmission fluid, and I therefore have to take the notorious Rutgers buses, I am much enjoying this rain. It's still a bit colder than I'd like, but at least it's not snowing, right?! I thought this would be my personal hell week, but it actually has been pretty smooth sailing. I haven't had any negative drama in a single class. That's, like, unheard of. Now as long as I can get that paper done for tomorrow...

This weather makes me want my car back though. I really want to go for a country drive in the rain! It's gorgeous to see all the fields and even the red taillights of the other cars in the rain. It's kinda like a color kaleidoscope...specially where I live. But, I have class in 30 minutes, so I guess I settle for my puppet show group project. Hope someone else is enjoying the rain out there...

Bookworm

Yesterday I found a great little used and antique book shop in Cranbury. Loving the smell of old books, and small rooms, I naturally fell in love with the place, and I got to thinking that perhaps I will see if I could work there this summer. This place is tiny, and I'm not sure could afford a worker, but I would love it if they could!
Right now I'm working in a small bakery. Initially, I really liked this job! I had some issues with the job, but I now those have simply escalated. Also, my boss, the owner of the place, seems way too stressed out, like we might close soon anyway, and is more than beginning to impede on how any of us can do our job...soo, I am in the market for a new job in any case. I'm not even sure where I will be living this summer, so this job finding is rather tricky. But I will definitely keep in mind this bookstore when I wait for younger brother in Cranbury, when he has voice lessons! They really have a great little collection!

Michael

It's always flabbergasting, and sometimes creepy, to run into someone or something that you once knew, and somehow got pushed off the radar screen. Well, a year or so ago, I discovered a little lost treasure of my own. His name is Michael. We went to middle school together, and then went to the high school in the town I now live in, where my younger brother also goes. He's only a year my junior, so he will graduate in June. It was weird to run into him after such a long time, and while we not close in the slightest in middle school, we just knew each other because there were only 200 people in the whole middle school, it meant a lot seeing him again. For a girl who is so interested in boys, it seems as though I'm quite interested in certain boys. Michael is one of them. This year and last I got to see him act in two dramas and two musicals, and he can't help but steal my attention.

Year after year, by quite a number of people, I have been told that I have something they describe as childlike. Not childish, they always preface. But childlike, in that I seem to emit an excitement and sheer joy and passion that children have, that just shines on my face. I always like this comment, I must admit. This, I think is what I see in Michael. It's strange, I've never seen it before quite like this. It's familiar to look at him, and his smile reminds me of mine, and not at all in how they look physically. I just can see the passion, and the intense emotion that most people refuse to show. I think it shocked me a bit, especially after learning that I had known him for close to 9 years, and never noticed him before. Well, tonight was probably the last time I will see Michael, and I wished him luck and congratulations, but I was a bit sad to see someone so familiar and similar to me in telling ways leave again. It was fantastic to see him, and though I can't believe I'm admitting this, I think I've got more than a little crush on him.

And, of course, he's about the only person in the world without a facebook! Just my luck...

"If Ever I Would Leave You" caught in my brain...

After a crazy week, I had agreed to go to dinner with one set of grandparents and parents, and then go see my younger brother perform in his school's musical, Camelot. Well. I was exhausted after work and class on Friday, so I barely pulled myself through dinner. I wanted to cry and go sleep more than go watch a high school production of Camelot (which, I had already seen last weekend. This is the second weekend of its running.) but I went. And I LOVED it. I had enjoyed it last weekend, but this weekend I simply fell in love with the story and songs. The heartbreaking story of dilemma in its purest, and the really romantic songs. I was like in tears by the end on the performance. I think I need the CD of music now, haha. Anyways, I was more than pleasantly surprised by a play that I've been hearing the music to for a year now, with my younger brother practicing, and was not very fond of until now. I'm not sure what clicked, but I can't actually wait to see it again tonight. Wish it were still on Broadway with Julie Andrews. That must have been a sight...

animation

Since I got the most fantastic gift today, a snowday, I have been watching Kung Fu Panda with my family. I am amazed every time I watch this movie by the quality of the animation. It's incredible. I think I am yet again interested in animation and film. Ok, I know I'm totally syked to try these media...I think for this morning, I will be on my Maya tutorials. hehe, gotta love free trials! And enjoying the snow, of course...