goodbye Dublin

I can't believe it's the middle of December already. I am scheduled to leave Dublin and go home in 9 days, and it's trickier than I imagined preparing myself for that. I still have 2 exams to get through, which after the last 4 months and the amazingly good time I've had I really do not care about like I probably should. No one likes change, and I usually handle it pretty badly myself, and I'm trying to hold some composure this time. Unlike most college semesters, when I get home there will be no real evidence of the life I had here. It'll be more or less like it never happened- and yet, I'm already so much different than when I got here. For one thing, this semester has given me the impossible. I've had four months to do nothing but focus on what I want, void of any context of family or friends or familiarity. And I think that has released me from my paralysis that has been keeping me from finding a direction to go. That looming graduation date kinda freaked me out, but after this semester I think I understand what everyone was saying when they told me there's no right path, no set way to do things. When I'm done with the structure of school, I have the freedom to pursue whatever whim I desire, and there's no one counting my credits or handing me requirements.

While that can be scary, the idea of having to feed myself and find a place to live and somewhere to fit in, I realized that the world is literally available to me. I love the thought of living in Dublin permanently. If it weren't for the constraints with seeing and communicating with my family, I wouldn't leave in 9 days. I'd have applied for  working visa and stayed here permanently. And who knows, maybe one day that will be what happens. But it made me realize that I have more potential and opportunities right now than I will ever have in my life. I am so excited to take advantage of them! So, going home makes me a little worried that I'll return to my fears and be once again locked in by my comfort. I'm going to have to find some way to change my life and push myself. I would get my own apartment, but I have to be able to afford the change :-p Suggestions always welcome...

I sort of feel like technology. The rate at which I'm changing seems to double every 18 months. Let's hope it continues when I get back to Jersey. See you all in 9 days!