Earthworms

To avoid lots of work, I figured I would write a blog post on something totally nonsensical: my education about earthworms. I thought about this today when it rained and you see all the worms looking kind of sad on the pavement everywhere. Actually, I think about this whenever it rains.

When I was little, I spent a lot of time with my grandmother, who gardened everyday. She tried to teach me lessons here and there about what to do and why. Well, I was that little girlie-girl who was disgusted by bugs, so when she dug up a worm, I said eww and wanted to kill the thing. My grandmother patiently explained that the worms were good for the plants in how they kept the soil, and we should just put them back and cover them up so they don't get sunburned and die.
Well me, thinking I was so smart, would cover any worms in the garden whenever I saw them, and felt like I was doing a good deed. So naturally when it rained and there were worms sprawled all over, exposed to the elements, I felt it was my responsibility to put each and every worm from my driveway back into their hole in the ground. The fact that the hole was full with rainwater didn't even phase me. I had to protect the worms from being out in the open. I was so proud of myself I went and told my grandmother. She laughed so hard and then told me that they all would drown from me putting them in the holes. I was so upset, I get anxiety seeing worms when it's raining out now. It's like I don't know what to do, especially when they're in puddles deep enough to drown in... and I think I still feel guilty for killing all those poor worms trying to procreate...

Anyways, when it rains I always think about how I was the earthworm killer once upon a time. And that's my story for the day...

Wake Up, Get Real Retreat

So I've been contemplating what to write about my spring break last week. I went on a 5 day Young Adults Buddhist retreat at a monastery upstate. As after all retreats, I came home blissed out swearing I wanted to be a monastic. And those I say genuinely. This retreat, though, was different for me. Not sure whether it was the people or the place or maybe I'm finally in the right state of mind, but this retreat just totally captured me.
I've been having these awakening moments more and more and keep getting deeper into this stuff, and it's all just a result of where I am and what goes on. I didn't really get the first retreat I went to. Since then its been growing on me, I start thinking about it more and considering what it would be like to practice mindfulness and compassionate consumption, etc. Last retreat I came home and was too uncomfortable to start eating meat again, not really thinking about being a vegetarian 7 months later.

After this retreat, it's catapulted. I can't stop thinking about it, both the retreat there and my mindfulness here. It no longer feels like an interest or hobby. It's like something I have to do, like breathing or sleeping. I try to stop thinking about it or get back to "normal" and its like I'm suffocating. It's like I'm trying to be someone else. I think I just have to ride this thing out and see where it takes me. Might be monastic life down the line. Might not. I've met some seriously cool monks and nuns (all on facebook, so I wouldn't loose contact with anyone...)

I also found a most wonderful group of people at the retreat and we email each other like frantic 12 year olds during the day, sharing videos and recipes and planning days when we can go back. I had never been to Blue Cliff before and I haven't thought of myself as the kind of girl who is uber-religious or spiritual or whatever you want to call it. But this place feels like home. I feel like these people, monastics and lay people, are my family that I can call when I need them or visit whenever I want. I trust them with myself more than a lot of people I've known for some time. They make me love to death the same world I was sick of and resentful of last week. How can I not embrace that?

Anyways, I figured I should just say what was on my mind rather than explain all about why and how I got to be to this point. I don't know why I'm doing this, so I'm unsure what to write about it. I'm just doing it because I have to right now.

So, sorry if this all comes across as cultish. It's not, I swear, I'm not drinking any Kool-Aid...
Here's a picture of us to show you how normal it is:
And in case you want one that does look kind of cultish, see photo #2 :) (us receiving the Five Mindfulness Trainings. I'm in the green in the back, with my head to the ground...)

If you want to check out the monastery or about the practice, here's their website:
http://bluecliffmonastery.org/

Just call me the engine that could...

Just realized, after extensive organization, that I can easily graduate a semester early, and a year if I pushed myself. In fact, the way the credits fall, it would be kind of absurd to stay a whole other semester when I would even go over 17 credits each semester to graduate at the end of 2011. Also found out that, assuming general requirement credits and minor credits can overlap, I can minor in Anthropology as well as finish my Art History major and my Visual Arts major that I have now. This totally rocks more than I thought it would, and I'm not even including the possible 6 credits I could get this summer going to Paris! This means 1 semester's worth of tuition towards grad school and every little bit helps. Found the silver lining to my anxiety disorder and perfectionism :)

My own jailbait

Every time I go see a musical or operetta I learn yet again that I'd fall for anyone who can sing to me. Apparently I'm a sucker for singers or dancers, would have been nice to know when I was singing and dancing...